Ready or not

It's funny, in a way, how the trials of life catch you off guard. They say things happen when you least expect it. Not sure if I agree. Sometimes, you are totally expecting it. Like with parenthood. You have heard it's hard, and you are expecting it to be hard. So when it IS hard, it really is no surprise. The surprise, is how it is hard, and sometimes, how hard it is. So i don't think that trials happen when you least expect them because they happen whether you expect them or not. I am beginning to think, however, that they happen HOW you least expect them. Eitherway, expectations are futile.

Speaking of expecations and parenthood, we are still expecting. Due date is still set as March 1st. Per my appointment on the 14th, I was already 50% effaced and over 2 cm dilated. But that's the same place I was with Jason 11 days before he arrived. So I don't think I'll go past my due date, but i don't think it's coming "any minute" necessarily. It's already been 6 days since the appt and my Braxton's have calmed down the past few days, so I'm guessing this kiddo will probably come some time between the 25th and 28th.

Other than that guestimate above, I haven't really thought much about his impending arrival. Dustin and I haven't found a name that we both love yet. Lots of names we're both okay with, or names that one of us loves and the other isn't crazy about. But everytime we try and research and discuss names, I feel like we don't get anywhere, so i decided I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about it or trying to figure it out. Just take the books and our lists to the hospital and figure it out once we see him.

And I think its precisely that attitude that has led to my current trial, which is, the realization that I'm not necessarily excited for this baby to come. Realizing that makes me feel horrible. Awful, almost. I'm not bummed he's coming, or sad bout it at all, but I"m not anxious and excited. not like I was with jason.

Logically, it makes sense. The first kid changes everything. Quitting my full time job and getting to be a stay at home mother. Having to take birthing classes and read books and learn all I can about how to be a parent. Not knowing what to expect at all. having all these baby showers and counting down the days. Day dreaming about all the possibilities. The pending arrival of our first child seemed to consume our thoughts. Now, with this second one, things don't feel so urgent. No birthing classes or pregnancy books to read - I've done this before. No baby gear to buy, no need for a shower since its another boy. I'm too busy keeping up with the house, my callings, and my 2 year old son, to think too much about this other son inside of me. It's doesn't seem like as big a deal. Which is what makes me feel like a horrible mother.

I feel like I'm doing him some big disservice by not being more focused on his arrival. It doesn't feel right to feel so non-chalant about it all. Maybe it just hasn't really hit home yet; there is the possibility I haven't let it sink in that I really am going to have another little life joining our family and home. I mean the clothes are washed, the hospital has been toured, arrangements have been made for watching Jason, batteries are on hand for the mobile, the swing, etc. I've done what I can to be ready, but I don't feel ready. I don't feel anything, really.

In short, I've gone through the motions to get ready for baby #2, but it doesn't feel like I've gone through the emotions to get ready for him. When is that supposed to happen? Is it like this for most people with subsequent chilren? Or is something wrong with me?

Blue's Clues

I thought I'd try and blog about how much my son Jason is in love with "Blue's Clues." If you aren't familiar with this kid's show, here's the basic run-down: Real-life Steve has a cartoon puppy named Blue, and every episode they play "Blue's Clues" to figure out what Blue wants to do, eat, play, etc. Blue leaves a blue paw-print on three different items, to indicate that its a clue. Throughout the show, they find a clue, draw that item in Steve's handy-dandy notebook, and when we have all three clues, Steve sits down in the thinking chair and we figure out what those three clues are trying to tell us.

Well, Jason found a little notebook, which is now his Handy Dandy Notebook. "Ti-ee Ti-ee Wotebook!" as he proudly calls it. He has a few thinking chairs ("pinking chairs") that he has claimed both at his house, and at Grandma and Grandpa's. He loves to sit down and pretend to draw. It usually begins with "Okay, so..." and usually ends with a request for Mommy to help him draw a cactus, choo-choo, pawprint, Steve, puppy, the gym, whatever he comes up with at the time. Here is a picture of him drawing himself some clues.
However, he doesn't just make up his own clues. He finds them all over the place. I am amazed at where he finds things shaped like a pawprint. We'll be out and about at the store, and all of a sudden he is pointing excitedly and proclaiming at the top of his lungs, "A Clue! A Clue!" It sometimes takes me a minute to realize what he is referring to, but sure enough, there is something resembling a paw print (i.e. a big circle with 3+ smaller circles above it) that he has found. His perspective and observation amaze me. If you are looking for paw print clues, you can find them just about anywhere (the dirty spot stains on my unmopped kitchen floor, the bubble formations in the bath, the actual underside of a dog's foot, etc.) It's made me wonder how true this is of things other than pawprints. such as blessings. How many blessings are in my life, waiting to be discovered, but I don't notice them, because I'm not looking for them? Needless to say, my two year old has taught me that it's pretty hard to find what you aren't looking for, and with the right perspective, a whole world opens up.

Anyway, here are some pictures of different clues he has found that have amazed me. Note the backs of the frogs in his bedtime story, the chicken shaped head on my fast food cup, and the blue information on the paper box. Can you spot the clues as well as Jason did?

Missionary Rhapsody

One of my quirky silly hobbies is song parodies. I love to take a song that people already know and change the words to be about something else entirely. I love it because 9.9 times out of 10, it isn’t serious. So I don’t stress about it. Its just light-hearted, no-pressure fun with words. There’s no big symbolism or metaphors, no artistic message or deep emotion I’m trying to convey. The fun is just fitting new words into a pre-existing song. Its very unpretentious, and it is something I can usually start and finish pretty quickly. I like that about song parodies.

Between my sister’s baby shower and prepping for my own baby, all my writing this new year has been mainly of the journaling variety (which I’m still very proud of). However, last week, on the way to a doctor’s appointment, Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody was playing on the radio. I love that song in general. It’s just too random and fun to sing along with not to love. This time though, as I was listening, words just started popping into my head and the inspiration for a parody was born. I’ve spent the last week piecing it together when I had some time. Now it's done and since it’s the first “creative” thing I’ve done in a while, I thought I’d share it.

Now, people of the Latter-day Saint religion (Mormons) will probably appreciate it a little more than your average Joe, because this parody is about an LDS boy going on a mission. But to help anyone of any religion follow along, here’s three bits of background info. (Please note, I’m not trying to preach here. I’m just trying to give info to help you understand the parody)

1- LDS young men typically serve missions anywhere in the world for about 2 years. They are not paid for their service and work to raise the funds before hand to support themselves while they’re gone. Most leave around the age of 19. They don’t choose where to go. They fill out their application papers and then wait for a packet of info to come in the mail from the prophet/church headquarters, assigning them to any mission in the world, telling them when/where to report, etc. Most families say good-bye to their missionaries when they drop them off at the MTC (missionary training center) – a place where missionaries get a crash course in preaching and in their new language, lasting from 3-12 weeks. Then they’re sent off to their actual mission. (Though some families also go to the airport to ‘see off’ their missionary as he transfers from the MTC to his mission). Once in their mission, each missionary is assigned a companion, and all service and preaching is done in the language of that mission, in companionships. Communication to family back home is limited to weekly letters or e-mails, and phone calls only on mother’s day and Christmas. Missionaries often walk and bike everywhere, in the heat of summer and cold of winter. Missionaries use the title Elder instead of their first name. (Female missionaries use the title Sister.) They often refer to members of their faith, as well as people on the street, as Brother or Sister, with the reasoning that we are all children of the same Heavenly Father. Along with community service and helping church members in that area, they approach people on the street and ask if they can share a message (referred to as street contacting), or they will sometimes knock door to door asking if they can come in and share their message. Missionaries face a lot of rejection, some polite, some rude. Sometimes, people will listen to the message though, which uses the Bible and the Book of Mormon to teach people the gospel of Jesus Christ and encourage them to be baptized and keep God’s commandments. Seeing someone embrace the gospel and change their life because of it is what keeps a missionary going through all of the hard times.

2- While the Bible is a record of the people in the Palestine area, their dealings with God and their prophets, the Book of Mormon is a record of the ancient people on the American continent, their prophets, their interactions with God, etc. While the commandments given and principles taught in each scriptural account are essentially the same, the stories are different because they are two separate peoples living in two separate parts of the world. One person in the Book of Mormon was named Nephi. He was given a daunting assignment from God and responded, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” Nephi’s courage to say “I will go and do” has become almost a motto to many Mormons.

3- Unlike most the rest of South America, in Brazil, the language spoken is Portuguese, not Spanish (though the two languages are similar). Since that’s were the missionary goes in my parody, I threw in some Portuguese phrases (also trying to keep the flavor of the original rhapsody which had some Italian and middle eastern phrases) The translations are as follows: Com licença = a polite way of saying Excuse me. Senhor = Sir. Magnifico = Magnificent. Por favor = please. ‘ta loco = you’re crazy. Irmāo = Brother.

Okay, so that’s all the info I think you need to understand (and hopefully enjoy!) my parody. I envision this performed almost more as a skit, so the italicized words are the stage directions to help you visualize it the way I do. Hopefully you can hear how the parody fits with the original song; I didn't have the time to record myself singing it with background music. Anyway, without further ado, here my Missionary Rhapsody.

(A 19 year old boy waits outside by the mail box, anxiously checking it, singing to the audience)

Is this my real life?

Feels like a fantasy

Caught in a waiting game

No packet has come for me

Close your eyes

Pray up to the skies and see

I’m just a young boy

I will have no degree

Like Nephi “I will go” though unprepared

“I will do” although I’m scared

Anywhere he sends me

Doesn’t really matter to me, to me

(Short musical interlude. The envelope comes in the mail, he eagerly rips it open, reads it and excitedly runs inside to share the info with his family, specifically his mother, who gets a little choked up at the idea of her son being gone for so long)

Mama, I’m now a man

Got my call back in the mail

I am going to Brazil

Mama, life has just begun

But now I’m going to lay it all aside

Mama, ooh

There is no need to cry

Cuz I’ll be back again two years from now

Carry on, carry on cuz this is all that matters

(Short musical interlude. The boy now wears a suit, tie, missionary name badge, etc. His family is there at the ariport to see him off. He tries not to cry as he says good-bye to his mother one last time)

Finally, my time has come

The food there will be fine

Please send letters all the time

Goodbye, everybody

I’ve got to go

Gotta leave you all behind and preach the truth

Mama, ooooooh

I don’t want to cry

Sometimes wish you hadn’t come here at all

[Substantial musical interlude with guitar solo. The missionary is now with his companion, looking a little frazzled, walking the streets of Brazil]

Companion: I see a little silhouetto of a man

Elder please, Elder please, will you do the first contact?

Missionary:I’m sure my face is whitening, can’t believe its frightening me.

Com licença, com licença, com licença, com licença, com licença, please Senhor

(The missionary tried to get the man’s attention, but was brushed off and ignored)

Companion – sarcastically: Magnifico-o-o-o-o

Missionary: I’m just a young boy nobody listens

Companion: He’s just a young boy with a brow that glistens

Spare him some time in this hot summer heat

(The two missionaries take to knocking on doors)

Missionary: Por favor, please Senhor, will you let me in?
Resident: ‘ta loco! No, we will not let you in
Missionary: Let us in
Resident: ‘ta loco! We will not let you in
Missionary: Let us in

Resident: ‘ta loco! We will not let you in
Missionary: Let us in

Resident: (Will not let you in)
Missionary: Let us in

Resident: (Will not let you in)

Missionary: Let us in!
Residents: No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Missionary: Oh mama mia, mama mia, Mama Mia, I want to go
But I know that’s just the devil and he’s tempting me, tempting me, tempting me!

(Hard core guitar solo brief interlude during which the missionary regains his courage and knocks another door confidently. He starts to preach before the man who answers can say anything.)

Missionary: So you think there is nothing beyond this life?

So you think you can eat, drink, be merry and die?

No, Irmāo, you can’t do that Irmāo,

You’ll find that out, you’ll it all out right here.

(The missionary hands the man a copy of the Book of Mormon. The man accepts. During the substantial guitar solo interlude, the man reads the scriptures, talks with the missionaries, and a softening of his countenance can be seen. The missionaries show him a picture of baptism, and he nods in agreement. They are all happy together)

Missionary: This is all that matters

This is what is real

This is all that matters

This is all that matters, can’t you feel?

Katie's Shower

This last weekend was a very busy one. I threw a shower for my sister Katie, who is having a baby girl, and her due date is three days before mine. (She's Feb 26th, I'm March 1st). I had some help with planning from both Katie and our sister Jennie, lots of food help from my Mom, Jennie, Aunt Bev and Katie's MIL Rachelle, and my sweet husband helped me find the perfect puzzle shape for the advice board we were doing (my first 3 attempts failed to produce interlocking pieces). And the event was hosted at the lovely and spacious Phoenix home of Marilyn Llewellyn. I am so grateful for everyone who helped out to make it happen, because it turned out quite lovely I think, and there is no way I could've done it with out them.

We did a puzzle theme. The invites read: "Guess who's adding another piece to their puzzle?". There were puzzle shaped cookies and sandwiches, a candy buffet, puzzle shaped advice cards, a few games and decor some with either puzzle theme or just pink/green theme. We even had a diaper raffle complete with a diaper cake that my mom and I made together. (I supplied the idea, the diapers and the little add-ons. She supplied all the ribbons, flowers and artistic assembling).

All in all, there were about 40 people who showed up. Katie opened A LOT of super cute things. I was busy tallying results from the games, so I didn't get to see her open half of them, but it looks like fun was had by all. I'm so glad it went well, and now that its over, I plan on doing NOTHING big other than have this baby. I want to put my foot down and refuse to organize or plan anything else. I think I've earned that for the next 7 weeks.

Oh, and after the baptism, we had the honor of attending and participating in the baptismal services of Oliver Prucha, Jennie's boyfriend. He is an awesome guy that we've gotten to know over the past few months. He's been to our place for Thanksgiving and Christmas and he's just a really neat guy. He has a great testimony and we were thankful for the opportunity to have him share it with us and let us be a part of his special baptism day.

Here are some photos from Saturday in all its glory. (Hopefully you can tell what they all are from the above paragraphs, because I don't feel like adding captions.) Have a great Monday everyone!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I know I owe you pictures from our summer vacations, Jason's birthday, etc, but you know what? I don't have time for all of that. So go see pictures on my facebook page. But Christmas pictures I will post here. That much I can manage.

I love Christmastime. I love putting up the decorations, I love getting to bake and eat treats for a month straight, I love the music, the parties, the gift giving, etc. This year was no exception. For us, the tradition inherited from Dustin's side of the family involved putting up the tree and decorations on Thanksgiving day before the big meal. We hosted the meal at our place this year, which was fun. And since everyone drove to us, we had enough time to decorate before they all arrived. Jason loved helping put the ornaments on and only managed to break one of them this year (which wasn't until last week when we were taking them all off the tree.)

December was filled with lots of Christmas shows for me. I'm the ward music specialist, so I was asked to help put together the music for the Relief Society Christmas party. I accompanied for that, as well as played a solo. Two days later was the ward Christmas party, in which Dustin and I had the honor of playing Mary and Joseph, which involved memorizing and reciting a page of script, and then singing a duet together. The next day was Sunday, and we had the 40 minute long Sacrament Meeting Christmas Program. I wrote the narration for it, picked all the songs, made all the assignments, and accompanied for Dustin while he sang "What Child is This." Then three days after that, was a big Christmas dinner show my friend Tina was singing in. She's a professional just getting her career launched, and I had been hired by her to help put the show together, as well as accompany half the numbers that she didn't have backing tracks for. I was nervous, but the show with Tina (pictured below) went beautifully and I didn't screw up any of the songs too badly. :-)



All the stress of the Christmas shows and programs ended in time to clean the house from top to bottom with Dustin (probably the best Christmas present we gave ourselves) and then relax and enjoy the Christmas Eve festivities, such as the Owens tradition of going out to eat Mexican food (see picture of Jason with Aunts Jennie and Katie) and the Groberg tradition of having a musical talent show, cocoa, cookies and a Luke 2 reenactment (amidst all that fun, Jason stole a quick hug and photo op with Grandma Liz).





Christmas Morning, Dustin and I have developed a new tradition for our family. We pick something special a month in advance that we want to have for breakfast, we research recipes, and then we spend the morning making it together. The first year it was cinnamon rolls, last year was apple fritters. This year we did chicken fried steak. It was pretty yummy.

After breakfast, we opened more gifts. We all loved the quilt Grandma Groberg gave Jason's baby brother. Isn't it neat?

Jason got a pillow pet from Grandpa OK and Grandma Suzi, and he loves it as you can tell.


Another hit gift was a "Car Mimi" hat and mitten set from Aunt Jennie. He wanted to put them on immediately and didn't want to take them off, no matter how difficult tearing open gifts can be in mittens.

And it happened again. For the 3rd year in a row, Dustin and I have managed to get each other identical gifts. First it was the same boxed set of "History of the church". Then last year it was the exact same leveling tool for hanging pictures. This year, the Karate Kid blu-ray. I promised we don't plan it. We'll see how long this "tradition" carries itself on.
In addition to the above mentioned, after all was opened, Jason made off with a play kitchen and food set, a giant elmo doll, dora game, train puzzle, misc hotwheels, three thomas the train cars and a mini track set for them, a book, an airplane toy, an echo mic, and other misc. items. He is really enjoying playing with them all.

Me and my baby, who is all grown up. What a cheesy smile, no?

Later that evening, Mom, Dad, Jennie, Oliver and Tyler came over for some pulled pork and ham, pumpkin cheesecake and Wii games. Fun was had by all, and it was a great Christmas. Can't wait till the next one rolls around.

Obstacles

So, "THE PLAN" is that I wake up at 7:30, I read, I pray, I write, and when Jason wakes up around 8:15-8:30ish, as he has been for the last week, I read with him, and we start our day together.

The problem with THE PLAN, however, is that Jason doesn't seem to be aware of it, or if he is, he doesn't seem to care about it. Scratch that. Based on his behavior today, its like he IS aware of it, and his sole purpose for the day is to foil it.

It started with him waking up at 6:30. After a drink and a diaper change and breaking my own rule and letting him take two of his hotwheels into his crib with him, he fell back asleep, which allowed me to do the same. But then guess who woke up at 7:30? Both of us. Which means I had no time to myself this morning. So the chore of consoling him (he's been in a mood all morning) took up 15 minutes, my reading was constantly interrupted by a series of alternating phrases ranging from the remarkably clear words "Hey Mommy, watch this" to incoherent whines of frustration accompanied by some sort of hitting. And reading to him? Well, lets just say I sat on my bed while he lay on the floor. He did quiet down 2 verses into it, (we only read 7 verses) but I decided that an uncooperative toddler is an obstacle I can't avoid. The self imposed ideal of perfection, however, is an obstacle I can do without. So it wasn't the ideal setting. But hey, we're going for routines right? Trying to build habits? Not that I like the idea of settling for mediocrity, but in this case, "we'll take what we can get" implies that we're getting at least something done, and that is lofty enough for my goals.

After a breakfast that involved 25 painstaking minutes of coaxing, only to result in 25 cheerios being consumed, (during which time I also got some more laundry and dishes done), I told him he could get down and decided I would get my daily writing done before we head off to the gym.

I had an idea for a poem, or at least a few couplets. Something about time rolling on, my anxieties over not being ready for this next kid, not being able to stop my first kid from growing up so quickly, etc. But ever since I walked upstairs to my computer, Jason has been lying on the first step, throwing a tantrum. THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES, ladies and gentlemen. He's been at it, like this, for 35 excruciating minutes. He has a myriad of toys just 10 feet away, I offered to let him help me put laundry away or come play with toys up in the loft while I type. But no. Because mommy won't let him watch a movie (we're going to the gym in 5 minutes, and I don't want him watching too much TV), he has chosen to spend the last 35 minutes lying prostrate on the bottom step, crying his crocodile tears and kicking madly about. So instead of metamorphosing my thoughts into some lovely piece of rhyme and rhythm, all I could think about is how difficult having your own goals can be as a mother.

But hey, I wrote about those obstacles, and the goal was to write something, anything, right? Mission accomplished, I guess.

Exhausted

Well, I did it. I set my alarm to wake up before Jason. I got my scriptures read in the morning, my journal entry written on my computer for the day (including all my resolutions), before he woke up. I read his scriptures to him as soon as he woke up while he drank some milk on my lap. He still had a slight fever, so we couldn't go to the gym but I still put on Michael Buble, took the ab ball and dumbbells downstairs, and did a mini work out while he played with toys.

At one point, Jason crawled into my lap while I was attempting to do my crunches on the ball. He thought it was fun to have mommy crunch while he laid on my already protruding belly. I thought it was cute, but only about 10 crunches worth of cute. Then I had to make him get off and go back to playing with his cars.

I also got 2 loads of laundry washed and dried, and 3 loads of laundry put away (there was a load in the drier from who knows when that had been forgotten about). I got the counters cleaned, the dishes done, and the closet organized. And I didn't look at facebook once until it was all done. (I checked facebook at 10pm tonight!)

So my resolutions for scriptures, writing, exercising and housework were all met. But let me tell you, I AM EXHAUSTED! We'll see how long I can keep up with my resolutions. If I fail, it won't be for lack of dedication. It will be for sheer lack of energy. On that note, I should go to bed now.

But before I do, I thought I'd share a fun fact about Jason. He can count to 10 on his own, and has been able to do so for a while. I've recently started singing him his ABC's and he can fill in half of the song on his own already, and I've caught him chanting QRSTUV to himself during playtime. The next step is to get him to recognize the letters and number in print. Well, he knows A and B so far. We played UNO tonight for Family Home Evening to help him with his colors and numbers. I never realized until I had a 2 yr old just how much 4 looks like A and 8 looks like B. For the life of us, we can't get him to call those two numbers anything else. But I can't blame him. They do look an awful lot like the letters he's learned. Oh, the fine nuances of verbal and written language. *sigh* Someday he'll get them down.

Hopefully I'll find time in the next week to post photos and videos of Christmas (or Jay's birthday, or the summer vacations I promised photos of). Some kind of photos, if not all of them, will make an appearance. That's my blogging goal for the week. But for now, the sweet sounds of 500 thread count pillowcases are calling to me, and I can ignore the siren of slumber no longer. Good night!