Missionary Rhapsody

One of my quirky silly hobbies is song parodies. I love to take a song that people already know and change the words to be about something else entirely. I love it because 9.9 times out of 10, it isn’t serious. So I don’t stress about it. Its just light-hearted, no-pressure fun with words. There’s no big symbolism or metaphors, no artistic message or deep emotion I’m trying to convey. The fun is just fitting new words into a pre-existing song. Its very unpretentious, and it is something I can usually start and finish pretty quickly. I like that about song parodies.

Between my sister’s baby shower and prepping for my own baby, all my writing this new year has been mainly of the journaling variety (which I’m still very proud of). However, last week, on the way to a doctor’s appointment, Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody was playing on the radio. I love that song in general. It’s just too random and fun to sing along with not to love. This time though, as I was listening, words just started popping into my head and the inspiration for a parody was born. I’ve spent the last week piecing it together when I had some time. Now it's done and since it’s the first “creative” thing I’ve done in a while, I thought I’d share it.

Now, people of the Latter-day Saint religion (Mormons) will probably appreciate it a little more than your average Joe, because this parody is about an LDS boy going on a mission. But to help anyone of any religion follow along, here’s three bits of background info. (Please note, I’m not trying to preach here. I’m just trying to give info to help you understand the parody)

1- LDS young men typically serve missions anywhere in the world for about 2 years. They are not paid for their service and work to raise the funds before hand to support themselves while they’re gone. Most leave around the age of 19. They don’t choose where to go. They fill out their application papers and then wait for a packet of info to come in the mail from the prophet/church headquarters, assigning them to any mission in the world, telling them when/where to report, etc. Most families say good-bye to their missionaries when they drop them off at the MTC (missionary training center) – a place where missionaries get a crash course in preaching and in their new language, lasting from 3-12 weeks. Then they’re sent off to their actual mission. (Though some families also go to the airport to ‘see off’ their missionary as he transfers from the MTC to his mission). Once in their mission, each missionary is assigned a companion, and all service and preaching is done in the language of that mission, in companionships. Communication to family back home is limited to weekly letters or e-mails, and phone calls only on mother’s day and Christmas. Missionaries often walk and bike everywhere, in the heat of summer and cold of winter. Missionaries use the title Elder instead of their first name. (Female missionaries use the title Sister.) They often refer to members of their faith, as well as people on the street, as Brother or Sister, with the reasoning that we are all children of the same Heavenly Father. Along with community service and helping church members in that area, they approach people on the street and ask if they can share a message (referred to as street contacting), or they will sometimes knock door to door asking if they can come in and share their message. Missionaries face a lot of rejection, some polite, some rude. Sometimes, people will listen to the message though, which uses the Bible and the Book of Mormon to teach people the gospel of Jesus Christ and encourage them to be baptized and keep God’s commandments. Seeing someone embrace the gospel and change their life because of it is what keeps a missionary going through all of the hard times.

2- While the Bible is a record of the people in the Palestine area, their dealings with God and their prophets, the Book of Mormon is a record of the ancient people on the American continent, their prophets, their interactions with God, etc. While the commandments given and principles taught in each scriptural account are essentially the same, the stories are different because they are two separate peoples living in two separate parts of the world. One person in the Book of Mormon was named Nephi. He was given a daunting assignment from God and responded, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” Nephi’s courage to say “I will go and do” has become almost a motto to many Mormons.

3- Unlike most the rest of South America, in Brazil, the language spoken is Portuguese, not Spanish (though the two languages are similar). Since that’s were the missionary goes in my parody, I threw in some Portuguese phrases (also trying to keep the flavor of the original rhapsody which had some Italian and middle eastern phrases) The translations are as follows: Com licença = a polite way of saying Excuse me. Senhor = Sir. Magnifico = Magnificent. Por favor = please. ‘ta loco = you’re crazy. Irmāo = Brother.

Okay, so that’s all the info I think you need to understand (and hopefully enjoy!) my parody. I envision this performed almost more as a skit, so the italicized words are the stage directions to help you visualize it the way I do. Hopefully you can hear how the parody fits with the original song; I didn't have the time to record myself singing it with background music. Anyway, without further ado, here my Missionary Rhapsody.

(A 19 year old boy waits outside by the mail box, anxiously checking it, singing to the audience)

Is this my real life?

Feels like a fantasy

Caught in a waiting game

No packet has come for me

Close your eyes

Pray up to the skies and see

I’m just a young boy

I will have no degree

Like Nephi “I will go” though unprepared

“I will do” although I’m scared

Anywhere he sends me

Doesn’t really matter to me, to me

(Short musical interlude. The envelope comes in the mail, he eagerly rips it open, reads it and excitedly runs inside to share the info with his family, specifically his mother, who gets a little choked up at the idea of her son being gone for so long)

Mama, I’m now a man

Got my call back in the mail

I am going to Brazil

Mama, life has just begun

But now I’m going to lay it all aside

Mama, ooh

There is no need to cry

Cuz I’ll be back again two years from now

Carry on, carry on cuz this is all that matters

(Short musical interlude. The boy now wears a suit, tie, missionary name badge, etc. His family is there at the ariport to see him off. He tries not to cry as he says good-bye to his mother one last time)

Finally, my time has come

The food there will be fine

Please send letters all the time

Goodbye, everybody

I’ve got to go

Gotta leave you all behind and preach the truth

Mama, ooooooh

I don’t want to cry

Sometimes wish you hadn’t come here at all

[Substantial musical interlude with guitar solo. The missionary is now with his companion, looking a little frazzled, walking the streets of Brazil]

Companion: I see a little silhouetto of a man

Elder please, Elder please, will you do the first contact?

Missionary:I’m sure my face is whitening, can’t believe its frightening me.

Com licença, com licença, com licença, com licença, com licença, please Senhor

(The missionary tried to get the man’s attention, but was brushed off and ignored)

Companion – sarcastically: Magnifico-o-o-o-o

Missionary: I’m just a young boy nobody listens

Companion: He’s just a young boy with a brow that glistens

Spare him some time in this hot summer heat

(The two missionaries take to knocking on doors)

Missionary: Por favor, please Senhor, will you let me in?
Resident: ‘ta loco! No, we will not let you in
Missionary: Let us in
Resident: ‘ta loco! We will not let you in
Missionary: Let us in

Resident: ‘ta loco! We will not let you in
Missionary: Let us in

Resident: (Will not let you in)
Missionary: Let us in

Resident: (Will not let you in)

Missionary: Let us in!
Residents: No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Missionary: Oh mama mia, mama mia, Mama Mia, I want to go
But I know that’s just the devil and he’s tempting me, tempting me, tempting me!

(Hard core guitar solo brief interlude during which the missionary regains his courage and knocks another door confidently. He starts to preach before the man who answers can say anything.)

Missionary: So you think there is nothing beyond this life?

So you think you can eat, drink, be merry and die?

No, Irmāo, you can’t do that Irmāo,

You’ll find that out, you’ll it all out right here.

(The missionary hands the man a copy of the Book of Mormon. The man accepts. During the substantial guitar solo interlude, the man reads the scriptures, talks with the missionaries, and a softening of his countenance can be seen. The missionaries show him a picture of baptism, and he nods in agreement. They are all happy together)

Missionary: This is all that matters

This is what is real

This is all that matters

This is all that matters, can’t you feel?